Like many of us, I think The Muppet Christmas Carol is a classic. A good story told in a good way that should appeal to basically all audiences. It contains some iconic songs and great jokes, without losing the heart of the famous story by Charles Dickens.
In other words, what I would call a “classic story”. I’ve talked about this numerous times before. And yes, I’m still always searching for more classic stories, wishing people would make more of them. (And yes, I should probably pick a better name for it, like “modern myth” or “just all around good storytelling”, but here we are.)
So, one more time, what do I mean when I say “classic story”? I mean a good story that appeals to all ages and audiences. A story that is rich and diverse because it has a little bit of everything. There are serious scenes, but also fun ones. There is action, but it’s not a mindless blockbuster. There are parts of the story kids will enjoy, and parts you’ll only appreciate as you get older (or view/read the story multiple times). The fun comes from witty and clever jokes, not lazy fart jokes or cursing adults. The emotional scenes are earned through great characters and good storytelling, instead of forcing in something artificial when the Big Plot Formula™ tells you there should be an emotional scene.
Most of all, a story that knows what it wants to be and wants to say, and fully goes for it. Instead of one that’s merely chasing trends, ticking boxes, and filling the movie with merchandising opportunities or on-the-nose political messages.
What does all this have to do with the Muppets?
Because I think, at least for a time, they got it exactly right.
Christmas Carol looks great, sounds great, is great. I loved that movie as a kid and I still enjoy it now. Once in a while, I even hear someone singing one of it’s songs (like “It Feels Like Christmas”). Often they have no clue how they even know the song and maybe never even watched the movie. Now, remember this is a story about some scary ghosts and an (initially) awful main character. Other adaptations of the story were too scary when I was young. But the Muppet one is scary in just the right ways and the right amounts, and you could watch it with the whole family.
Muppet Treasure Island? Fully responsible for my “pirate phase” as a young boy. And the reason I was reading books (like Treasure Island) that were absolutely not written for someone my age, which caused me to become a prolific reader and writer now. Despite being a fantasical movie from thirty years ago, it still looks and sounds great. Because you don’t need expensive terrible CGI when you have small physical sets, clever filmography, and puppets. Again, remember that this is a story about pirates: there is death, betrayal, immoral characters, everything. But by telling the story with puppets and balancing it with more humor, you get something that everyone can enjoy equally.
As it happens, last week, I had a short conversation with my sister about these adaptations. We were talking about the upcoming HBO Harry Potter series, about Disney’s endless list of live-action remakes that look horrible and feel like a waste of millions of dollars, those kinds of things.
We quickly both agreed that if Disney really wants to become The Remake Company™, then adaptations of classic stories, like the Muppets or LEGO do, are way more valuable and way better. You actually create something new, without ruining the original. This has been proven to work in the past!
And we wondered: Why aren’t the Muppets making these movies anymore?
Sure, the Muppets are still creating things. (I’m writing it as if it’s the puppets themselves running the company and creating movies :p I just find it easier this way, instead of saying “The Jim Henson Company” or “The owners of the Muppets franchise”.) They released a few movies, but they’re new and standalone stories. They released some episodes of experimental show/TV ideas, but it is, again, new material without a clear premise or goal.
Many of these got very favorable reviews. Almost none of these made a lot of money or were watched a lot. As a consequence, the Muppets aren’t really “hot” right now and not getting a lot of funding, opportunities, or projects. Which is a shame.
I’m not asking for Muppets to “do more stuff”. I’m explicitly asking them to make more adaptations of beloved stories! That’s how you solve the problem! You take something lots of kids/parents already know (and hopefully like), apply the Muppet sauce, and it’s a win-win.
LEGO has already proven this concept, albeit with games (and toys). As a kid, I played tons of LEGO games with my siblings, from Harry Potter, to Lord of the Rings, to Star Wars, to Batman. LEGO has basically adapted all major IPs at this point. And it works! It works both ways.
- My mother bought a new LEGO game once in a while because she recognized the thing or the front, or had heard us talking about this “Harry Potter” thing.
- We liked to play them and got a lot of fun out of them because we were familiar with the story. Seeing the world built from LEGO, seeing them re-tell the story with their figurines and their own humorous style, it just makes sense.
There are so many stories to adapt.
What about Dracula? The Muppets literally have a Count.
Or maybe The Odyssey? The Muppets have a huge cast of characters to fill those roles, and there’s enough in that story to make fun of or create really funny scenes.
What about Robin Hood?
Okay, maybe a Muppet Harry Potter is a bit awkward, now that HBO is making their own series. But Lord of the Rings? Those movies are almost thirty years old too now. A Muppet Lord of the Rings (or even Hobbit) would go hard.
There have even been parody episodes on Sesame Street for lots of these stories, even including Game of Thrones. I truly believe you could make a simplified, parody version of Game of Thrones for all ages with the muppets, and end up with an amazingly rich, classic story.
My sister told me about people online wanting a Beauty and the Beast adaptation, where every character is a muppet but the Beast is a human. (And when they finally “turn into a human” … they actually turn into a muppet at the end.) That’s an awesome idea. Such a simple thing that would be incredibly funny and unique and make the adaptation worth it.
So I’m asking one more time, in case anyone with power to do this is listening: Please create more Muppet adaptations of classic stories! You know, you could make it a Muppet Cinematic Universe if you want, I know how much investors like that idea nowadays.
As far as I can tell, many (recent) Muppet projects simply did not earn enough money. So Disney went for remakes and safe projects that earned more money. It’s not that people don’t love these movies. It’s not as if kids don’t play with puppets anymore or that there are no stories left to adapt. (Again, if any investors are reading, think of the merchandising opportunities! Puppets to buy for every main character! Cheaper to make than complicated plastic figurines, better for the environment.)
And this makes me sad. I had all these classic stories as a kid that shaped me and my ideas about storytelling. But when I look around now, in a time when we have waaaay more stories than before, I struggle to find these gems. I struggle to find movies that are truly as rich and for all audiences as Christmas Carol or Treasure Island. I struggle to find children’s novels that aren’t just incredibly dumbed down and contain absolutely nothing of substance.
Of course, these things exist. But they tend to be miracles made through the sheer willpower of some poor creatives. They don’t appear in the same proportions as before; they’re pushed away by the endless stream of “content”. They don’t get the funding or attention needed.
Because most companies (including Disney) have forgotten they once started telling stories because they wanted to tell great stories, and are instead only focused on whatever project would be most profitable. There is immense value in creating a great film, even if it barely breaks even at the box office. There is immense value in basically creating kids’ childhoods and creating culture that lasts. Value beyond short-term dollar amounts.
Sure, great puppeteers are rare and expensive, just like the great sets they need to build to play around in. But they are absolutely not more expensive than the massive budgets allocated for many shows and films nowadays. Those great Muppet films were a far greater risk back in the day than they are now. (I must say that I often struggle to see where all those millions of dollars went in modern shows/films, but that’s another story.)
A Muppet adaptation can just be … a movie with a modest budget that brings in a modest profit. They’re 90 minute movies, tightly scripted and filmed, that don’t need a lot of human actors or effects. They’re an adaptation, so the story it’s based on is already written and known.
That is, of course, assuming they’ll keep the quality of old. I use the Muppets (and LEGO) as an example here, but as I said at the start, I’m really just looking for more classic stories. And letting great actors/writers/puppeteers adapt stories that are already quite good are simply a good recipe for that. Using puppets instead of real humans opens a lot of doors while removing a lot of obstacles.
I am shocked at what passes for a script nowadays. I could be watching a TV show meant for adults and find only incredibly slow and boring scenes, dialogue that sounds like nobody in the universe ever said that, and just a general gray meaningless bad story. One that contradicts itself. One too afraid to offend anyone so they’ll just not tell a story at all. One that has to fill 10 episodes a season, so they’ll move soooo slooowly through the story to fill that time.
Whenever I talk about this, people are quick to tell me about how “the younger generation has no patience!” and “it’s a slow burn, your effort sitting through it will be paid off!” and I’m like: NO! It’s just BAD! It’s slow, it’s boring, it’s directionless. The one and only principle of storytelling is be interesting. Every line in a book should be there for a reason. But in shows they just add silence and lingering shots, which is the equivalent of just adding 100 empty pages in a book to bring the page count to 300.
And no, kids these days aren’t some impatient breed that needs flashes and action every three seconds in a story. It’s not the audience that has gotten worse, it’s the writing. Those Muppet movies move fast. They’re efficient. As I said, every moment is there for a reason, every scene only lasts as long as it needs to. Remember that this is thirty years ago, before internet, before smartphones, before all of that.
Those classic Muppet movies move fast, but they’re not rushed or impatient or just random noises and flashing colors to keep your attention. They move fast because they have a story to tell. And when every single moment advances your story, it becomes interesting from start to finish, with no wasted space.
For example, look at a scene like this one near the start of Muppet Treasure Island: Blind Pew Scene. I think this is a great example of just good classic storytelling that appeals to all ages. (If you haven’t seen the movie/other clips, the first few seconds might not make sense, so you just ignore that.)
What do we have here?
- A tense/scary scene. Not because of some cheap tricks, or lingering shots on darkness, or eerie music. No, because the scene itself—the plot, the script—is tense. Stranger knocks on door at night, stranger is after person in the room, but … they’re blind and will need to find them some other way. That’s clever. That’s a proper scene setup.
- The muppet is menacing … while at the same time stumbling around and bumping into everything. How? Using the age old technique: He is funny and slapstick, but when it matters he’s capable and dangerous.
- They make an actually good joke about his blindness (twice!), then move on. Nobody offended, nothing censored.
- The dialogue is so good. The way Blind Pew talks is so distinctive, so interesting, so fun. I wish shows/films for adults had dialogue on this level instead of whatever we get nowadays.
- “AH HA! BILLY BONES! I’d know that scurvy mug of yours anywhere!”
- “I may be visually challenged but I can see you’re lying!”
- “Good evening, Bill. I know it’s you. Yes, you thought you could get away with it, didn’t you? Just take all for yourself and leave your shipmates with nothing. Huh. We’re not pleased with that, Bill. Not at all. We want you to have… THIS!”
- The scene ends on a bang: Billy receives the “Black Spot” (pirate mark that you’re about to die), Blind Pew quickly leaves. None of that lingering or just kind of … fading out … because the writers had no clue how to end a scene …
- The entire scene is not even 3 minutes long. It flows continuously from start to finish. Not a wasted moment, not a dull moment. But is it rushed? Is it hyperactive stimulating nonsense? Absolutely not! It’s a puppet walking around a small room and talking slowly.
I just don’t believe most other scripts nowadays are up to this level of quality. They can’t write something that is either as funny, or as properly tense, or as fast and efficient. The “visually challenged” joke would not be allowed. The scary pirate would not be allowed to be scary. The Black Spot would be considered too difficult to understand for kids.
And this is a puppet parody for kids made many years ago. (Also, Blind Pew returns some time later during the Pirate Attack on the Inn, and he’s great there too. The entire house is on fire and he’s like “I smell somethings burnings, no?” then knocks himself out by walking against a grandfather clock.)
I literally watched an episode of a “mature” show last week with a somewhat similar scene. But in that one, the person just randomly stumbled into the right room by pure luck, and then said (with overacting all across their face!): “YOU!” The scene cut to black, next episode picked up with the fallout of this meeting, not even showing what actually happened there.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I prefer the smarter setup and great dialogue leading through the scene from the Muppets.
So, all in all, what is my point? I think we can kill two birds with one stone.
- We need more classic stories. Ones that are efficient, that are rich because they are both funny and tense from start to finish, that truly appeal to the entire family.
- The Muppets should adapt classic stories again. It’s a win-win: guaranteed lots of interest, guaranteed great story. Puppets are cheaper (and still look better to my eyes than CGI), they allow more possibilities, they make it harder to offend anyone or get controversies with your adaptation.
And, at the risk of repeating myself too much, I’m just incredibly disappointed with the quality of lots of storytelling these days. Kids movies that have no substance, no actually clever jokes, and don’t have anything to interest parents. Adult movies that fill half the runtime with silence, boring plot, stupid dialogue, and try to make up for it with nudity or something.
Come on, writers, watch some of the classic Muppet adaptations and see if you can learn a thing or two :)
