Recently, I’ve talked about flow in several of my articles. Before that moment, when the blog was still Dutch, I regularly talked about how everyone chalks things up to talent when it’s never actually the case.
As I grow older, and hopefully wiser, this has been on my mind a lot. The idea that …
- Everyone can learn and become anything! Talent is mostly irrelevant or nonexistent. As they say: “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
- At the same time, people have clear natural inclinations. Sometimes they seem almost destined to end up somewhere. Certain skills just don’t “mesh” with some people, and trying to learn them is like swimming upstream until they die.
How do we reconcile these two observations? Which one is true? How can we use this in our own life?
Then, recently, I saw a video that said the following. And I think it’s the best one-liner to remember.
“Design your life so that you’re graded on your strengths.”
What does this mean?
In certain situations, talent does exist and plays a big role.
For example, athletics (mostly long-distance running) has long been dominated by athletes from Africa. Interested by this phenomenon, researchers searched for an explanation. One thing they found was that many people there literally have slightly different genes that give them different muscles in their leg, which improve your running ability.
Similarly, I’ve said before that I am not “gifted” or a “genius”, but I do know that I have capable brains. I wouldn’t be able to write all these articles and books, program games, play many musical instruments, and whatever else I do otherwise. I recognize my genes in this department gave me a large headstart. Classmates studied something for 10 hours to get the same grade as me, who studied for 10 minutes. And then there is of course the small group of people with such a low IQ that they can’t properly write or speak, or do basic daily tasks.
Genes do matter sometimes. Some people are lucky, some are not. Some people are born with a better physical build, less susceptibility to injury, longer legs, more sensitive ears, you name it.
In most cases, however, this is (at most) 5% of the puzzle. Having a sensitive ear will not magically teach you about chords, sheet music, and how to play instruments. Having a good eye will not magically teach you drawing, color theory, composition principles, or what that one button in Photoshop does. Even if you’re physically built like a runner—like I am—that doesn’t mean you can just run a 10 mile without training. In fact, it will take a few years before you can even walk ;)
All that your “talent” does, is make it easier to get better at something and progress at it. Because I have a slim physical build, it was much easier for me to pick up running (as exercise, spontaneously) than it is for others. Because I have sensitive ears, it was much easier for me to learn musical instruments than for others.
On the other hand, what I certainly do not have is strong or skillful hands. My hands suck :p
As such, I’ve tried to practice drawing and painting for 10+ years now, but progress is excruciatingly slow. I call myself a graphic designer, yes. And I have actually made picture books and many good designs! But most of that is done on the computer. Because my hand-drawn art, my fine painting skills, just don’t improve fast enough. I can keep practicing, and I do grow as a painter over time, but it takes for more effort and is far more demotivating.
The crux
And this is the crux of the argument.
If all you care about is being good at something, then yes, anyone can become good at anything. Barring some unique exceptions, of course, such as people with a severe disability. Practicing in the right way can quickly make you improve at any skill. Human life is long enough to put in the hours and get good at even your worst areas.
But if you care about actually having a good time while doing that, and being efficient with it, then you need to focus on your talent. Or, rather, your “natural inclinations”. I think that’s a better term as it encompasses more aspects. It includes inclinations that grew on you over time, instead of having them since birth. Such as being the product of your upbringing and environment, or being influenced by school, or suddenly discovering something you just didn’t know existed before you were 16.
You can try to learn anything and spend your days fighting to improve 1%. Or you can design your life around your natural inclinations, and spend your days playing to improve 10%.
This is partially why our systems of education are so soul-crushing. Because you’re forced to be graded on everything. You’re constantly forced to fight uphill for subjects that your body and brain simply aren’t made for, while being reminded of that fact when you get back your lousy grade.
And then you have the obvious fact that schools don’t actually teach anything and standardized tests just test … if you’re good at taking tests. This makes the problem even worse. Even if you do work hard and do get better at a topic, it’s no guarantee you’ll get a reward (in the form of a good grade, which is a lousy reward anyway).
A choice between effort and joy
I mean, look at me. I almost failed high school because of my grade for Dutch—my native language. I am a writer. I have written dozens of professional works, both fiction and non-fiction, in both Dutch and English. Even back then, I’d already finished a few books and was the only one in my class to still read books.
But school doesn’t actually test skill. It grades you on how well do you play the school-game? and how much low-grade clerical work are you willing to do for us? And, well, I can safely say that most people—especially children—have NO natural inclinations for that.
So ignore all that. Design your life so that you’re graded on your strengths.
Find out for what skills or activities your brain and body are naturally well-suited. Discover what your environment instilled in you. The experiences and hobbies you have while you’re a child, and the upbringing from your parents, determine most of who you end up becoming. People don’t want to hear that—I don’t want to realize it!—but that doesn’t make it less true. Your body, your habits, your personality, it is mostly set in stone by the time you become an adult.
You can choose to fight it. That’s fine. But doing so will deplete your energy every day. It will regularly make you demotivated and it will take ten times as long to reach a high level of skill.
And for what? There is no law that says you must have job X or must be good at skill Y. To pay the bills and feel self-worth, society nudges you to become something, yes.
But make that something an extension of your natural inclinations. If your ears have always been your most reliable sense, pick up hobbies or jobs that rely on that. If you’ve always been a strong logical thinker, do something with programming. If you love debating stuff and having arguments—yes, some people really have that natural inclination!—become a politician.
This will allow you to live in flow. You can take on challenge after challenge, without ever being too overwhelmed or demotivated, because your natural inclination helps you overcome them with relative ease. You can become one of the best in that field, which is usually what’s needed to earn a decent income and stability. You can live a productive life of endless growth and achievement, without burning out or struggling every single second.
Anyone can become anything and learn anything. Absolutely.
But don’t feel pressure to prove that, as it will most likely make you unhappy. It’s fine to identify your strength and just play into it. It’s fine to become what your parents expected you to become, and what your talents nudged you to become.
Because to turn natural inclinations into actual skill, you need to put in consistent work over many years.
And the only way you’re going to do that, is if you’re in flow. If you’re not constantly demotivated (which blocks your momentum), while regularly improving greatly (which is a positive feedback loop to keep going).
Advice for young people
If you’re still in school, learn to completely ignore its bullshit. You’re being graded on everything, in a very inefficient and ineffective way, while nobody is good at everything. Focus on your best subjects, lean into your talents, and let the rest be.
Also, if you’re still young, do recognize that this is when your physical and mental habits are mostly formed. Yes, you can change things later, you should always keep learning and trying out new things. But we’re talking about what comes natural to you here. We’re talking about talent and ease.
If you’ve always eaten unhealthy food while you were a child, it becomes incredibly hard to eat healthy the rest of your life. Not impossible, but hard.
If you’ve exercised as a child, however, studies show you are extremely likely to keep exercising (and stay healthy) your entire life, because it is now a natural inclination. Not a guarantee, but highly likely.
Most people who learn to play a musical instrument as a child will continue to play it their entire life. Most mental issues are traced back to childhood and upbringing, and most of them are related to parents forcing their kids to stay in their lane instead of letting them play around and try many different lifestyles.
I’m not even telling you to “stay away from bad stuff”. Experience the bad stuff, so you can remember why you should stay away from it the rest of your life. Try to open yourself up to many new experiences and many different hobbies. Play around, experiment, see what works. It will lead to becoming the most well-rounded person you can be. And it will reveal your natural inclinations to you by the time you’re an adult.
Advice for the oldies like me
And if you’re already an adult? Most likely, the biggest sources of frustration or demotivation in your life are because you’re graded on a weakness. Because you have been forced into a position where you constantly need to perform on a skill you have no natural inclination towards. Or you forced yourself into a situation where you’re constantly reminded how much you suck at something for which you have absolutely no talent.
So take them away. Soften them. Try to move the situation or “test” to something you do feel strong about. Be ruthless about cutting out parts of your life that constantly grade you on weaknesses. Weaknesses that clash so hard with your nature that trying to overcome them is like asking you to walk upside-down your entire life.
I’ll give a final personal example of this to close out the article.
This “shift the test”-approach is how I survived the terrible educational system.
I regularly changed the exercises I was given. And then I prayed the teacher would not just give me an F immediately. In my experience, about half of the teachers will enjoy and allow this creativity, while half will shut it down and punish you.
They ask me to write a long essay on some Roman building? I’m going to write a detective story around it instead. Because storytelling and writing is what I do!
They ask me to remember some French vocabulary I don’t care about and will never use? I’m going to turn it into a song. Because music is what I do!
They ask us to create some big presentation as if we’re a poltical party? I’m going to suggest we need a poster and pamphlets, obviously. Because graphic design is what I do!
This wasn’t always possible. When I was young, I could still find tricks to motivate myself to do some rote exercises on math or history facts. But once I entered high school, I mostly just … stopped doing that. By the time I was entering the final grades, I only did homework if I could change it into something that matched my strengths, and left it alone otherwise.
Some might say this is lazy, or cowardice, or “staying in your comfort zone”. I’ll let them talk, because I graduated with very high grades but minimal effort, while not caring about school in the slightest.
In fact, I’ll say you need to be quite confident and go out of your comfort zone to change the literal exercises you are given. And accept the angry teacher in return half the time.
I guess I’ll return to something I stated before: the 80/20 rule on “familiarity versus challenge”. With all my projects, I try to build on a strong foundation of things I can already do. About 80% of the work is equal or similar to work I did before, which means I can be efficient, not overwhelmed, and do that part without mistakes. But 20% of the work is something completely new to challenge me and grow.
Design your life so that you’re graded on strengths 80% of the time, and allow yourself to be surprised, challenged and go out of your comfort zone the other 20%.
Mostly though, don’t be stuck up about these numbers—you’ll probably feel what is right. The issue isn’t that humans lack any intuition or common sense about skill, growth and talent. No, quite the opposite! The issue is that humans know and feel what is right for them, but our society, upbringing, and schools force us to stop feeling and start doing stuff we’ll never truly be good at. For what reason? I will never know.
Conclusion
I was stuck in the educational system until I was 25 years old. That’s basically my entire life. All that time, I was graded on something I didn’t enjoy and absolutely wasn’t good at naturally. This caused me to truly lose any will to life or any pleasure from doing anything, and I am still not over that. I still work mostly on habits and good mind-set, rather than enjoying life.
The productivity of the past few years and the light-hearted nature of my recent work shows it’s going in the right direction. It’s not all darkness anymore. I’m well-removed from university now and accomplishing things.
Most importantly, though, that light only started shining again once I said “fuck it, I’m an amazing musician, writer, and hypercreative thinker, those are my obvious strengths and I will make that my job darn it”
I changed my workflow to ruthlessly minimize any parts that didn’t align with my natural inclinations. For example, my board games are now 100% generated on my gaming website, and the rules are digital/interactive (just another web page), which saves me aaaaall the work for manually creating material, rules and more for each game. Something I don’t like, I’m not good at, and always slowed me down.
I cast aside 10 hobbies of mine because they were clearly harder to do than my “main hobbies”. Yes, I’d still like to learn how to play the drums. But with my upper back injury and no strong inclination for it, I know the effort will be great and the progress minimal, so it’s left for a different time. Same for detailed painting. I changed my projects to look good with the graphical styles I can do, and used generative AI for the rest if I truly saw no way around it. Yes, I’m an artist, I hate leaving anything to an AI. I have often stubbornly created my own fonts because I didn’t even want to use an existing one! But detailed illustration work just does not align with my body and brain.
Growth is nice. Challenging yourself is nice. Picking up a new skill is certainly nice. But the majority of your life needs to flow and fit your talents, otherwise you lose all motivation and energy, until it all just … stops. And let me tell you, that is not a place you want to be.
Those were my thoughts for today,
Tiamo